I can't describe the pain of having a disorder that prohibits me from cuddling
with the one I love the most.
When a hug is the only thing that will subside the pain operating my body,
I yearn for relief.
The hug reverberates those painful, emotional movements through my spine.
The sword has two ends and cuts relentlessly through my heart and mind in unexplainable ways.
I want him to know the pain of not being able to cuddle.
But that desire
to provide an understanding will never be fulfilled.
He will never know.
I cannot provide the comprehension to gain empathy.
And to try to sacrifice my own comfort is not ideal.
Mentally it cannot be done. And physically it burdens me
to the point of complete removal from the insufferable situation.
So how do I satisfy this eternal feeling of never being satisfied?
How do I make right in a situation so wrong?
How do I provide my undying love when it cannot be done?
I don't know if this satisfaction will ever be answered.
The misfortune that my disorder causes is not fair nor just.
Why should he be burdened by my imperfections?
Why should this wretchedness persist any further?
Maybe because it can.
Maybe because it will.
He understands.